While flirting with a girl he met, Tom caresses her thigh.

The girl tells him, “Handsome, remember psalm 1, verse 29”

Tom apologizes, but 20 min later, he starts again. The girl repeats again “psalm 1, verse 29.”

That night, when he gets home, he opens his bible to find psalm 1, verse 29.

Here is what the psalm says: “Go further in your search and you will find glory.”

Tom, astounded says, “Damn! I am so unlucky!”

P.S.: I had you … right? If you open your Bible, you will see that the first psalm in the Book of Psalms does not have 29 verses but only 6. Smile for the day is bright!

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Adapted and Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

A beggar goes to complain to his donor in these terms:

“My brother, 2 years ago, you were giving me 1000 F. Last year you gave me 500 F, and this year 300 F. You should tell me, what is causing this? Or did I do something to you?”

The man to respond: “No problem really… simply that 2 years ago, I was single. I got married last year, and this year, my wife gave me a beautiful big healthy baby.”

The beggar, offended, bursts out: “Seriously! So it is my money you are taking to feed your family?”

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

Toto is being chased by 2 men in the forest.

Tired, he climbs up a tree to hide; The 2 bandits unable to find him anymore, one says to the other:

I know him; he is so stupid; if we call him twice he will answer.

Toto on the tree yells:

Call me even 100 times, you will see if I answer… you think that I am still that same old Toto? I have changed!

 

Originally published on Nouchi.com in French. Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com.

It is 11PM and a woman worries because her husband is not yet back. She decides to call him.

The wife: “Hello”

A woman: “Yes hello”

The wife: “Can I please talk to the owner of the phone?”

A woman: “No. He is resting. We just finished making love.”

The wife: “Can I leave him a message.”

A woman: “Talk… you never know.”

The wife: “Tell him that it is his doctor who is calling to make sure that he is taking his antiretrovirals, his antibiotics against chlamydia and the hepatitis B treatment.”

A woman: “What? He has all these illnesses?”

The wife: “Yes, and you know how new patients have the tendencies to be negligent; we have to follow up with them all the time.”

A woman: “Idiot ! Rise up ! Dirty AIDS sufferer ! Jerk ! Pussy thief ! Get out of my place ! My God oooo, I am dead!”

The wife, quietly: “Thank you Lord, he is coming home.”

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

– “The car cannot start,” says a woman to her husband. “There is water in the carburetor.”

– “Water is the carburetor? But how could you possibly know that? You don’t even know what is a carburetor!”

– “I tell you again,” says the woman, “there is water in the carburetor. I am absolutely certain of it.”

– “Ok. I will go see what I can do. Where is the car?”

– “In the swimming pool…”

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

During a marriage ceremony, the pastor asks the famous question: “if anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace!”

All of a sudden, a pregnant woman rises up. She is holding the hand of a 5-year-old child. The flies stop buzzing. The bride faints. The groom is sweating profusely. The pastor is wondering why on earth he had to ask that question…

The pregnant woman starts walking down the aisle with her 5-year-old. All the hearts are pounding. Once in front of the pastor, she says, “It is hard to hear anything at the back… so I had to come to the front!”

A lady dozed off during the pastor’s preaching… Suddenly, she wakes up and hears the pastor say “Stand up.”

 

She gets up and sees the entire assembly turn toward her. Everyone is in shock, including her husband who is sitting next to her. She looks around and realizes that she is the only one standing. The pastor looks at her and tells her, “Thank you Madam, please remain standing, we will pray for you … We already have one person standing. She is courageous… Anyone else? Nobody? Let me repeat myself, in case you did not hear me well. I asked you to stand if you are unfaithful, if you are committing adultery; if you cannot stop cheating on your partner at each of his missions… Stand up so that we can pray for you.”

The lady standing fainted.

 

Those of you sleeping in church… watch out!

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

I answered a dating ad on the internet, and I was getting ready to go on my first date with this girl that I had never met before.

I was anxious, so I told my friend Usuofia about it: “What do I do if she is ugly? We are supposed to meet at the restaurant, and I will be stuck with her for the entire evening … Don’t you have an idea to get me out of this, if she is ugly?”

My friend Usuofia replied: “Don’t worry. When you enter the restaurant, simply move towards her. If you like what you see, no problem for your evening.  But if she is ugly, then you will just fall on the floor, and fake an epileptic seizure, screaming « Aaaaaauuuggghhh ! ».”

That night, I enter the restaurant, and quickly spot the young lady who is wearing a clear sign for the date.

She is gorgeous! I can’t believe my luck, she is so beautiful! I get close and when I am about to talk to her… the girl falls on the ground and screams « Aaaaaauuuggghhh ! »

She is taken to the emergency room. And that’s when I scream Gwééééééééééééééééé !!!

I really do not understand what happened! Could somebody tell me what that means?