African Joke: The Sharp Father

African Venus, a sculpture by Charles-Henri Joseph Cordier 1851 (Source: Walters Art Museum)
African Venus, a sculpture by Charles-Henri Joseph Cordier 1851 (Source: Walters Art Museum)

A teenage girl is seated next to her father in the house when she suddenly sees her boyfriend approaching. Knowing that her father is very strict, she decides to strike a conversation with the boyfriend.

Girl: Have you come to borrow the book titled “DAD IS IN THE HOUSE?” by Jean Pliya.

Boyfriend: No, I want your book of songs called “WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?” by Bernard Dadié.

Chinua Achebe
Chinua Achebe

Girl: Oh. I don’t have it, but I have the one titled “UNDER THE MANGO TREE” by Chinua Achebe.

Boyfriend: Good. But please don’t forget to bring “I WILL CALL YOU IN 5 MINUTES” by Aimé Césaire, when you come to school.

Girl: Ok. I will bring Olympe Bhêly-Quenum’s new book “I WILL NEVER ABANDON YOU.”

The father (to his daughter): these are a lot of books, will he read them all?

Severin Cecile Abega
“Les Bimanes” by Severin Cecile Abega

Girl: Yes. He is good and excellent reader.

The father: Ok. Don’t forget to take to him the book titled, “I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING” by Cheikh Hamidou Kane, and also the one which is called “BE READY TO GET MARRIED IF YOU GET PREGNANT” by Séverin Cécile Abega.

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Note: Jean Pliya, Bernard Dadié, Chinua Achebe, Aimé Césaire, Olympe Bhêly-Quenum, Séverin Cécile Abega, and Cheikh Hamidou Kane are all great African writers.

African Joke : Toto has Changed !!!

Tree_1
A tall tree

Toto is being chased by 2 men in the forest.

Tired, he climbs up a tree to hide; The 2 bandits unable to find him anymore, one says to the other:

I know him; he is so stupid; if we call him twice he will answer.

Toto on the tree yells:

Call me even 100 times, you will see if I answer… you think that I am still that same old Toto? I have changed!

 

Originally published on Nouchi.com in French. Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com.

African Joke: Let’s be Clever, rather than Barbaric

Woman worried1
Woman worried (Source: self.com)

It is 11PM and a woman worries because her husband is not yet back. She decides to call him.

The wife: “Hello

A woman: “Yes hello

The wife: “Can I please talk to the owner of the phone?

A woman: “No. He is resting. We just finished making love.

The wife: “Can I leave him a message.

A woman: “Talk… you never know.”

The wife: “Tell him that it is his doctor who is calling to make sure that he is taking his antiretrovirals, his antibiotics against chlamydia and the hepatitis B treatment.

african couple morning sex
Couple in bed (Source: Avert.com)

A woman: “What? He has all these illnesses?

The wife: “Yes, and you know how new patients have the tendencies to be negligent; we have to follow up with them all the time.

A woman: “Idiot ! Rise up ! Dirty AIDS sufferer ! Jerk ! Pussy thief ! Get out of my place ! My God oooo, I am dead!”

The wife, quietly: “Thank you Lord, he is coming home.”

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

African Joke: Water in the Carburetor

Carburetor
Carburetor

– “The car cannot start,” says a woman to her husband. “There is water in the carburetor.”

– “Water is the carburetor? But how could you possibly know that? You don’t even know what is a carburetor!

– “I tell you again,” says the woman, “there is water in the carburetor. I am absolutely certain of it.

car-drowned-in-pool_1
Car in the swimming pool

– “Ok. I will go see what I can do. Where is the car?”

– “In the swimming pool…

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

African Joke: During a Marriage Ceremony …

Wedding_1
Wedding Ceremony

During a marriage ceremony, the pastor asks the famous question: “if anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace!”

All of a sudden, a pregnant woman rises up. She is holding the hand of a 5-year-old child. The flies stop buzzing. The bride faints. The groom is sweating profusely. The pastor is wondering why on earth he had to ask that question…

pregnant-woman-1
Pregnant woman

The pregnant woman starts walking down the aisle with her 5-year-old. All the hearts are pounding. Once in front of the pastor, she says, “It is hard to hear anything at the back… so I had to come to the front!”

African Joke: Stop Dozing in Church!

Dozing off_4
Dozing off

A lady dozed off during the pastor’s preaching… Suddenly, she wakes up and hears the pastor say “Stand up.”

 

She gets up and sees the entire assembly turn toward her. Everyone is in shock, including her husband who is sitting next to her. She looks around and realizes that she is the only one standing. The pastor looks at her and tells her, “Thank you Madam, please remain standing, we will pray for you … We already have one person standing. She is courageous… Anyone else? Nobody? Let me repeat myself, in case you did not hear me well. I asked you to stand if you are unfaithful, if you are committing adultery; if you cannot stop cheating on your partner at each of his missions… Stand up so that we can pray for you.

fainting_3
The lady fainted!

The lady standing fainted.

 

Those of you sleeping in church… watch out!

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

African Joke: Internet Dating

OnlineDatingAd
Online dating ad (Source: HuffingtonPost.com)

I answered a dating ad on the internet, and I was getting ready to go on my first date with this girl that I had never met before.

I was anxious, so I told my friend Usuofia about it: “What do I do if she is ugly? We are supposed to meet at the restaurant, and I will be stuck with her for the entire evening … Don’t you have an idea to get me out of this, if she is ugly?”

My friend Usuofia replied: “Don’t worry. When you enter the restaurant, simply move towards her. If you like what you see, no problem for your evening.  But if she is ugly, then you will just fall on the floor, and fake an epileptic seizure, screaming « Aaaaaauuuggghhh ! ».”

That night, I enter the restaurant, and quickly spot the young lady who is wearing a clear sign for the date.

She is gorgeous! I can’t believe my luck, she is so beautiful! I get close and when I am about to talk to her… the girl falls on the ground and screams « Aaaaaauuuggghhh ! »

She is taken to the emergency room. And that’s when I scream Gwééééééééééééééééé !!!

I really do not understand what happened! Could somebody tell me what that means?

 

African Joke: A Rich Zimbabwean Pen Pal

zimdollars-480x336
Zimbabwean Dollars

A chick has a very rich Zimbabwean pen pal.

Every night, she loves on Skype, WhatsApp, Imo, Twitter, etc…

One morning, the guy surprises her by sending her a moneygram transfer for 60 millions as pocket money.

Given all the operations that she anticipates doing, she hires 2 security agents (100 000 FCFA) to accompany her, she hires a cab for the day, and buys a pretty handbag on credit to go retrieve the money…

Billet de 10000 FCFA (1992)
Billet de 10 000 FCFA (1992)

 

At the counter, they tell her that 60 Zimbabwean million dollars is 30 320 FCFA.

Imagine the rest. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

African Joke: Copied to Perfection

The professor collects the students’ homework:

Toto says to his friend John:

    • Thank you John, one more homework not done, and the professor was going to call my parents!
    • Yup. I don’t really like this. I hope you did not copy word-for-word?
    • You can be certain that I copied everything to perfection! and when I say everything, I mean everything!

The professor returns the homework, looks, and all of a sudden says:

  • Toto, how come I do not have your homework? and how come I have two copies from John?

 

African Joke: The Phone

iPhone7_1
iPhone 7 (Apple.com)

Just last week, markangelcomedy made a video about this joke I published here on my blog. I wanted to share it again, as it is very funny, and salute the work done on markangelcomedy, and its comedians. In the video, it is not a teacher in a classroom, but an uncle and his nieces; and it is not an iPhone, but a phone (albeit very nice). Watch and laugh your eyes out! Enjoy! The text for the original joke is below.

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In class, the teacher says: “I will give my iPhone 7 to whoever will answer my question correctly.”

Question: “How many men did Jesus feed in Bethsaida?”

Toto raises his hand and answers, “5000 men, sir”(Luke 9: 10-17).

The teacher: “Good answer Toto,” and the teacher gives him in iPhone 7.

The teacher then tells Toto: “Ask me a question Toto, and you give me back my iPhone 7 if I give you the correct answer.”

Toto, all smiles, asks him, “Sir, could you please give me the names of those 5000 men?”😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Laugh a little to chase away the stress!

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com (for iPhone 6S). Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com