A man sold his land for 15 millions. Since it was the weekend, he did not deposit the money at the bank. Not trusting his wife and kids, he decided to go to church with his 15 millions in his bag.
He stood up to go take the communion and when he returned to his seat to pray, his bag had disappeared in the midst of church.
All of a sudden he spits the communion and start screaming …
Angry
“Thieves!! Murderers!! My mother is a witch!! You will all die!! My Fetish will kill you all!! Sakpata voodoo on you, heviesso voodoo on you, you will never see tomorrow !!! You will all go to hell, including your priest !!! Kanga bah.”
Everyone is stupefied! Suddenly a little boy calls him, saying:
“Papa, you are not at the right seat. Your bag is just here, two rows behind.”
Seashore (View of the Atlantic ocean from the Door of No Return, Goree, Senegal)
An American, a Belgian, and an Ivorian meet a genie by the sea shore. He tells them:
“Throw anything in the water. If I find it, you will die. If I don’t find it, I die, and the person who win will become as rich as Croesus.”
The American throws a tiny metallic marble into the water. The genie finds it, and he dies.
The Belgian throws a small transparent nylon thread. The genie finds it, and the Belgian dies.
Effervescent tablet (Source: Quora.com)
The Ivorian throws something into the water. The genie looks, and looks, and looks; but does not find the object. Tired, he asks: “Djo, what have you thrown in the water?”
The guy replies: “A piece of Efferalgan (effervescent pill), buddy!”
Le maître commence la dictée. “Le titre est: ‘la bicyclette’.” Tamo, un élève, demande à son voisin Toto, “psss Toto, pardon aide-moi, j’ai oublié où on met le ‘y’ … c’est à quel niveau, byciclette ou bicyclette?”
Toto de répondre, “ah kah, laisse-nous ça, tu refléchis trop. Moi j’ai déjà écrit ‘vélo‘“!
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The teacher starts the dictation test. “The title is, ‘the bicycle’.” Tamo, a student, asks his neighbor Toto, “psss, Toto, please help me, I have forgotten where the ‘y’ goes … is it bycicle or bicycle, which one is it?”
Toto to answer, “ah kah… you think too much. I have already written ‘bike‘!”
Tomber du lit / Falling from bed (source: spacegeek.fr)
Un fou tombe de son lit pendant qu’il dormait. Surpris, il se lève et se couche à nouveau. 30 minutes plus tard, il tombe encore à la même place. Heureux, il dit : « tchiééé !! Donc si je ne m’étais pas levé tout à l’heure, j’allais tomber sur moi-même. »
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A madman falls from his bed while asleep. Astonished, he stands up and goes back to sleep. 30 minutes later, he falls again in the same place. Happy, he exclaims, “Kaï!! So if I had not woken up earlier on, I would have fallen on myself!”
Deux Européens sont en safari en Afrique. Soudain, un lion sort de la brousse et se jette sur un des gars. Après une dure bataille il réussit à se dégager de la bête et à la faire fuir. Il rejoint alors son ami tout ensanglanté et les vêtements en lambeaux.
– Espèce d’idiot, pourquoi tu n’as pas tiré? Ce lion a failli me tuer.
– Mais tu m’as dit que c’était un fusil pour les éléphants…
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Lion
Two Europeans on a safari trip in Africa. All of a sudden a lion comes out of the forest and attacks one of the guys. After a hard battle, he manages to free himself from the beast, and makes it flee. He then joins his friend all bloodied up, with his clothes in tatters.
– You Idiot, why didn’t you open fire? This lion almost killed me.
– But you told me this was a gun only for elephants…
Un homme en très mauvais état se présente devant St-Pierre, après une mort apparemment violente.
Celui-ci demande: – Mais qu’est ce qui s’est passé ?
L’homme explique: – J’étais guide de safari en Afrique et j’accompagnais un groupe de six femmes belges et une suisse. En traversant un pont de lianes au dessus d’une rivière infestée de crocodiles, un coup de vent nous a fait basculer. On a tous réussi à se retenir aux cordages. Nous étions suspendus en l’air et comme le pont menaçait de lâcher à cause du poids, il fallait que quelqu’un se sacrifie. Comme j’étais le seul homme…
Une minute plus tard, St-Pierre voit débarquer les six belges dans le même état que l’homme qu’il vient de conduire au Paradis. Il demande immédiatement aux arrivantes: – Mais ce brave homme qui s’est sacrifié, a-t-il donc fait ça pour rien ?
L’une des belges explique alors: – c’est à cause de cette maudite suisse qui nous accompagnait… Quand le guide s’est laissé tomber, elle a dit: – Un homme aussi courageux, il mériterait qu’on l’applaudisse…
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Applause
A man in very poor condition appears in front of St-Peter, after an apparently violent death. The later asks: – What happened?
The man explains: – I was a safari guide in Africa, and I was leading a group of 6 Belgian women and one swiss one. While crossing a liana bridge on top of a river full of crocodiles, a gust of wind tipped us. We all managed to hold onto the ropes. We were hanging in air, and since the bridge threatened to falter because of the weight, someone had to be sacrificed. Since I was the only man …
A minute later, St-Peter sees the 6 Belgian women arrive in the same state as the man he just led to Paradise. He immediately asks the newcomers: – But this brave man who sacrificed himself, did he do it for nothing?
One of the Belgian ladies replies: – It is because of that cursed swiss who was with us …
When the guide fell, she said: – Such a courageous man, he deserves to be applauded …
Un mort arrive au paradis et demande à St Pierre : “pourquoi il y a beaucoup d’horloges ici ” ? St Pierre lui dit : “chaque horloge répresente une personne et chaque fois qu’elle ment sur la terre, çà tourne. Regardes celle de la Vierge Marie , elle est sur 00h car elle n’a jamais menti. Celle de simon est sur 03h car il a rénié Jesus 3 fois”. Le mort lui dit : “Mais où est celle de N’zuéba ?” St Pierre lui répond : l’horloge de N’zuéba-là, Jesus a pris pour faire ventilateur, tellement çà tournait.
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A dead man arrives in paradise and asks St Peter: “Why are there clocks here?” St Peter tells him: “every clock represents a person, and each time that person lies on earth, it turns. Look at that of the Virgin Mary, it is on 00h because she never lied. That of Simon is on 03h, because he denied Jesus 3 times.” The dead then asks: “but where is N’Zueba’s clock?” St Peter replies: “N’Zueba’s clock, Jesus took it to use as a fan, as it was turning so much.”
Le maître demande à Digbeu : « 2 – 1 = combien ? » Digbeu répond : « 2 ». Très furieux et curieux, le maître pose la question autrement : « ta mère te garde 2 foutous* ; Séry, ton petit frère, mange 1 foutou. Il reste combien de foutou ? » Digbeu répond toujours : « 2 ». Le maître lui demande pourquoi ? Digbeu dit : « Séry n’a pas coeur de manger mon foutou ».
*Foutou est un mets très prisé de Côte d’Ivoire qui se présente sous la forme d’une boule de manioc et plantains pilés, et est mangée avec une sauce.
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The teacher asks Digbeu:”2 – 1 = how much” Digbeu replies:”2.” Very furious and curious, the teacher asks the question differently: “your mother saves you 2 foutous*; Sery, your little brother, eats one foutou. How many foutous are left?” Digbeu replies again:”2.” The teacher asks him why. Digbeu replies: “Sery will not have the heart to eat my foutou.”
*Foutou is a traditional recipe from Côte d’Ivoire for a classic accompaniment, and is made up of plantains and cassava that are cooked and pounded separately, before being mixed right before serving. It is eaten with a sauce.
Le maître commence la dictée. “
African Heritage 