One Sunday, at worship, the pastor of a small village says :
– Next week, I will give my sermon on lying. To learn more about this sin, I invite you to read and prepare the passage from the gospel of Mark, chapter 17.
The following Sunday arrives and as he prepares to take the pulpit to preach, the pastor asks the question to the congregation:
Who among you has read St Mark, chapter 17 ? And everyone raises their hand.
The pastor smiles and says:
– The gospel of Mark contains only 16 chapters. So now you are all ready to hear my sermon on this sin that is lying!
The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Adapted and Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com
One day, at church, a man is praying on the pew loudly, “Lord, please send me 4,000 Naira, that is all I need! … Lord! if you send me ₦4,000, I will do anything!… O Lord, answer my prayers… all I need is ₦4,000 … JESUS!!! ₦4,000 is all I need! Lord of Hosts, let ₦4,000 rain on me.” The man goes on in his prayers screaming and shouting in the church.
Suddenly, there is a tap on his shoulder… he stops, opens his eyes, thinking to himself “Who in this world is interrupting my prayers?” The man seated next to him, hands him ₦4,000, and continues praying. The other man is so happy, and says, “Wait, God really answers prayers so fast!”
At the end of the church service, he asks his pew neighbor, “neighbor, you don’t know what you have done for me… butwhy did you give me ₦4,000 ?”
The man replies, “with your loud screams, you were blocking my prayers for ₦50 millions.”
The pastor baptized Yao Koffi Kan by dumping his head in the water three times. After the 3rd time, he says: “You are now baptized, you are now a new creature; your old creature is dead. No more alcohol. Your new name is DAVID.”
David returns home and goes to the fridge, takes a cold beer, dips it in water 3 times ploo, ploo, ploo… and says: “you are now a new creature, your old creature is gone, your new name is ORANGE JUICE.”
The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Adapted and Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com
Three religious leaders get together and decide to confess their faults and weaknesses to each other so that each prays for the other.
The first says: “My problem is money. I love money too much and I often steal from offerings and tithes. Pray for me because I am not proud of it.”
Relaxed and at ease, the second says: “Mine is women. I love women too much and when I see a woman, I want to sleep with her. I have slept with all the women in my parish. Pray to help me.”
The third starts crying. The other two take two hours to calm him down. Then he finally speaks in tears: “My problem is kpakpato. I don’t know how to keep a secret; so everything you just said, tomorrow everyone will know, even if you pray for me! ”
The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Adapted and Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com
Henry and Christine have just celebrated 25 years of marriage.
And their union having been mostly peaceful, Henry ventures to ask the famous question of trust to his wife, “Darling, have you ever cheated on me?”
“Well,” answers Christine, “since you want to know… Yes, I have cheated on you three times. The first time, it was when you needed a loan from the bank, do you remember? No bank would trust you enough to lend you anything, then one day, the commercial director of the bank came to our house and signed the contract without asking any questions …”
“Oh! You did that for me…,” Henry exclaims,
“It is thus thanks to that we have become rich. And the second time?”
Silver union: 25 years of marriage
“The second time,” explains Christine, “it was when you had caught that highly contagious disease and no doctor would come near you. One day, a surgeon from the hospital suddenly came to operate on you…”
“Ah darling, you really saved my life, that time…” remarks Henry before adding:
“I am so lucky to have married you. And the third time?”
“The last time, it was when you ran for president of our city’s soccer club. Do you remember? You were missing 42 votes to be elected…”
I wonder what would have happened had the wife asked the husband? When you ask tough questions, be prepared for the answers! Smile and have a great day!
The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Adapted and Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com
While flirting with a girl he met, Tom caresses her thigh.
Bible
The girl tells him, “Handsome, remember psalm 1, verse 29”
Tom apologizes, but 20 min later, he starts again. The girl repeats again “psalm 1, verse 29.”
That night, when he gets home, he opens his bible to find psalm 1, verse 29.
Here is what the psalm says: “Go further in your search and you will find glory.”
Tom, astounded says, “Damn! I am so unlucky!”
P.S.: I had you … right? If you open your Bible, you will see that the first psalm in the Book of Psalms does not have 29 verses but only 6. Smile for the day is bright!
The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Adapted and Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com
A beggar goes to complain to his donor in these terms:
“My brother, 2 years ago, you were giving me 1000 F. Last year you gave me 500 F, and this year 300 F. You should tell me, what is causing this? Or did I do something to you?”
The man to respond: “No problem really… simply that 2 years ago, I was single. I got married last year, and this year, my wife gave me a beautiful big healthy baby.”
The beggar, offended, bursts out: “Seriously! So it is my money you are taking to feed your family?”
African Venus, a sculpture by Charles-Henri Joseph Cordier 1851 (Source: Walters Art Museum)
A teenage girl is seated next to her father in the house when she suddenly sees her boyfriend approaching. Knowing that her father is very strict, she decides to strike a conversation with the boyfriend.
Girl: Have you come to borrow the book titled “DAD IS IN THE HOUSE?” by Jean Pliya.
Boyfriend: No, I want your book of songs called “WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?” byBernard Dadié.
Chinua Achebe
Girl: Oh. I don’t have it, but I have the one titled “UNDER THE MANGO TREE” byChinua Achebe.
Boyfriend: Good. But please don’t forget to bring “I WILL CALL YOU IN 5 MINUTES” byAimé Césaire, when you come to school.
Girl: Ok. I will bring Olympe Bhêly-Quenum’s new book “I WILL NEVER ABANDON YOU.”
The father (to his daughter): these are a lot of books, will he read them all?
“Les Bimanes” by Severin Cecile Abega
Girl: Yes. He is good and excellent reader.
The father: Ok. Don’t forget to take to him the book titled, “I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING” by Cheikh Hamidou Kane, and also the one which is called “BE READY TO GET MARRIED IF YOU GET PREGNANT” by Séverin Cécile Abega.
It is 11PM and a woman worries because her husband is not yet back. She decides to call him.
The wife: “Hello”
A woman: “Yes hello”
The wife: “Can I please talk to the owner of the phone?”
A woman: “No. He is resting. We just finished making love.”
The wife: “Can I leave him a message.”
A woman: “Talk… you never know.”
The wife: “Tell him that it is his doctor who is calling to make sure that he is taking his antiretrovirals, his antibiotics against chlamydia and the hepatitis B treatment.”
Couple in bed (Source: Avert.com)
A woman: “What? He has all these illnesses?”
The wife: “Yes, and you know how new patients have the tendencies to be negligent; we have to follow up with them all the time.”
A woman: “Idiot ! Rise up ! Dirty AIDS sufferer ! Jerk ! Pussy thief ! Get out of my place ! My God oooo, I am dead!”
The wife, quietly: “Thank you Lord, he is coming home.”
African Heritage 