African Joke: Internet Dating

OnlineDatingAd
Online dating ad (Source: HuffingtonPost.com)

I answered a dating ad on the internet, and I was getting ready to go on my first date with this girl that I had never met before.

I was anxious, so I told my friend Usuofia about it: “What do I do if she is ugly? We are supposed to meet at the restaurant, and I will be stuck with her for the entire evening … Don’t you have an idea to get me out of this, if she is ugly?”

My friend Usuofia replied: “Don’t worry. When you enter the restaurant, simply move towards her. If you like what you see, no problem for your evening.  But if she is ugly, then you will just fall on the floor, and fake an epileptic seizure, screaming « Aaaaaauuuggghhh ! ».”

That night, I enter the restaurant, and quickly spot the young lady who is wearing a clear sign for the date.

She is gorgeous! I can’t believe my luck, she is so beautiful! I get close and when I am about to talk to her… the girl falls on the ground and screams « Aaaaaauuuggghhh ! »

She is taken to the emergency room. And that’s when I scream Gwééééééééééééééééé !!!

I really do not understand what happened! Could somebody tell me what that means?

 

African Joke: A Rich Zimbabwean Pen Pal

zimdollars-480x336
Zimbabwean Dollars

A chick has a very rich Zimbabwean pen pal.

Every night, she loves on Skype, WhatsApp, Imo, Twitter, etc…

One morning, the guy surprises her by sending her a moneygram transfer for 60 millions as pocket money.

Given all the operations that she anticipates doing, she hires 2 security agents (100 000 FCFA) to accompany her, she hires a cab for the day, and buys a pretty handbag on credit to go retrieve the money…

Billet de 10000 FCFA (1992)
Billet de 10 000 FCFA (1992)

 

At the counter, they tell her that 60 Zimbabwean million dollars is 30 320 FCFA.

Imagine the rest. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

African Joke: Copied to Perfection

The professor collects the students’ homework:

Toto says to his friend John:

    • Thank you John, one more homework not done, and the professor was going to call my parents!
    • Yup. I don’t really like this. I hope you did not copy word-for-word?
    • You can be certain that I copied everything to perfection! and when I say everything, I mean everything!

The professor returns the homework, looks, and all of a sudden says:

  • Toto, how come I do not have your homework? and how come I have two copies from John?

 

African Joke: The Phone

iPhone7_1
iPhone 7 (Apple.com)

Just last week, markangelcomedy made a video about this joke I published here on my blog. I wanted to share it again, as it is very funny, and salute the work done on markangelcomedy, and its comedians. In the video, it is not a teacher in a classroom, but an uncle and his nieces; and it is not an iPhone, but a phone (albeit very nice). Watch and laugh your eyes out! Enjoy! The text for the original joke is below.

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In class, the teacher says: “I will give my iPhone 7 to whoever will answer my question correctly.”

Question: “How many men did Jesus feed in Bethsaida?”

Toto raises his hand and answers, “5000 men, sir”(Luke 9: 10-17).

The teacher: “Good answer Toto,” and the teacher gives him in iPhone 7.

The teacher then tells Toto: “Ask me a question Toto, and you give me back my iPhone 7 if I give you the correct answer.”

Toto, all smiles, asks him, “Sir, could you please give me the names of those 5000 men?”😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Laugh a little to chase away the stress!

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com (for iPhone 6S). Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

Blague Africaine: Lire le Journal … / African Joke: On reading the Newspaper

Beer

Il y a cinq ans que j’ai lu dans la presse que l’alcool tue ; j’ai arrêté de boire. Il y a un an que j’ai lu dans un journal que le tabac tue ; j’ai arrêté de fumer. Cette année, je lis que faire l’amour tue? ; là que faire ? Ah moi, j’ai arrêté de lire journal dèh ; c’est mieux.

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tobaccoFive years ago, I read in the press that alcohol kills; I stopped drinking. A year ago, I read in the newspaper that tobacco kills; I stopped smoking. This year, I read that making love kills; then what to do? Ah! me, I decided to stop reading the newspaper; it is better.

African Joke: the iPhone 7

iPhone7_1
iPhone 7 (Apple.com)

In class, the teacher says: “I will give my iPhone 7 to whoever will answer my question correctly.”

Question: “How many men did Jesus feed in Bethsaida?

Toto raises his hand and answers, “5000 men, sir“(Luke 9: 10-17).

The teacher: “Good answer Toto“, and the teacher gives him in iPhone 7.

The teacher then tells Toto: “Ask me a question Toto, and you give me back my iPhone 7 if I give you the correct answer.”

Toto, all smiles, asks him, “Sir, could you please give me the names of those 5000 men?“😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Laugh a little to chase away the stress!

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com (for iPhone 6S). Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

 

African Joke – 15 millions

Money3
Bag of money

A man sold his land for 15 millions. Since it was the weekend, he did not deposit the money at the bank. Not trusting his wife and kids, he decided to go to church with his 15 millions in his bag.

He stood up to go take the communion and when he returned to his seat to pray, his bag had disappeared in the midst of church.

All of a sudden he spits the communion and start screaming …

Angry face1
Angry

Thieves!! Murderers!! My mother is a witch!! You will all die!! My Fetish will kill you all!! Sakpata voodoo on you, heviesso voodoo on you, you will never see tomorrow !!! You will all go to hell, including your priest !!! Kanga bah.

Everyone is stupefied! Suddenly a little boy calls him, saying:

Papa, you are not at the right seat. Your bag is just here, two rows behind.

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com . Translated to English by Dr. Y. Afrolegends.com

African Joke – Efferalgan

IMG_0499
Seashore (View of the Atlantic ocean from the Door of No Return, Goree, Senegal)

An American, a Belgian, and an Ivorian meet a genie by the sea shore. He tells them:

Throw anything in the water. If I find it, you will die. If I don’t find it, I die, and the person who win will become as rich as Croesus.

The American throws a tiny metallic marble into the water. The genie finds it, and he dies.

The Belgian throws a small transparent nylon thread. The genie finds it, and the Belgian dies.

efferalgan
Effervescent tablet (Source: Quora.com)

The Ivorian throws something into the water. The genie looks, and looks, and looks; but does not find the object. Tired, he asks: “Djo, what have you thrown in the water?

The guy replies: “A piece of Efferalgan (effervescent pill), buddy!

The original in French is found on Nouchi.com. Translated to English by Dr. Y., Afrolegends.com

 

 

Blague Africaine: Un Belge en Afrique / African Joke: A Belgian in Africa

Crocodile
Crocodile

Un belge visite l’Afrique avec un guide pygmé. Soudain, les voilà arrivés devant un fleuve.
Le pigmé : Bouanana, on ni peut pas t’ave’se’, !!
Belge : Et pourquoi une fois, il y a des pierres, il n’y a qu’a marcher dessus!
P: NONON Boouanana, c’est pas des pie’rres, ces des c’ocodilles, bouanan dis-donc !!!
B: Allez une fois, tu m’en racontes hein ?
P: NONON Bouanana, rega’de
Et le pigmé lance un caillou sur ce qui ressemble à une pierre. Soudain, le crocodile se réveille, ouvre grand la gueule et fonce vers nos hommes.
Le pigmé en se sauvant : Bouanan, dis dont cou’s, y va te BOUFFER !!
Et le belge bien calme au bord du fleuve : Eh là une fois, c’est pas moi qui ai jetté la pierre !!!!

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running-iconA Belgian visits Africa with a pygmy guide. All of a sudden, they come near a river.

Pygmy: Bwanana, we can’t cross !!
Belgian : and why not? once there are rocks, we only have to walk on it! 
P: NO NO Bwanana, these are not stones, these are crocodiles !!!
B: Oh come’ on, you are just joking, right?
P: NO NO Bwanana, look
And the pygmy throws a pebble on what looks like rocks. Suddenly, the crocodile wakes up, open its mouth wide, and rushes after our men.
The pygmy, while running away: Bwanana, run, it will eat you!!
And the Belgian, calmly staying on the river’s shores: For once, I am not the one who threw the pebble !!!! 

 

Blague Africaine: la dictée / African Joke: The Spelling Test

bicycleLe maître commence la dictée. “Le titre est: ‘la bicyclette’.” Tamo, un élève, demande à son voisin Toto, “psss Toto, pardon aide-moi, j’ai oublié où on met le ‘y’ … c’est à quel niveau, byciclette ou bicyclette?”

Toto de répondre, “ah kah, laisse-nous ça, tu refléchis trop. Moi j’ai déjà écrit ‘vélo“!

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The teacher starts the dictation test. “The title is, ‘the bicycle’.” Tamo, a student, asks his neighbor Toto, “psss, Toto, please help me, I have forgotten where the ‘y’ goes … is it bycicle or bicycle, which one is it?”

Toto to answer, “ah kah… you think too much. I have already written ‘bike!”